Sunday, January 9, 2011

Describe a recent Aha! moment. What sparked it?

My recent aha moment happened yesterday.  At 6:30 something... I've been working out for a year and some months at this point.  This can be daunting based on the fact that I haven't lost much weight at all.  I go to a boxing gym Mon-Thursday for roughly 40 minutes or more.  While others lose, i seem to stay the same. Sometimes I don't want to tell people I go to the gym, cause they give me the side eye. But I do go and I love it!   My aha moment was in the mental imagery i have of myself. When I think of myself smaller I realized I don't actually envision  myself smaller. Mentally I limit the change that can take place because i'm afraid.

Afraid of the unknown possibilities of being smaller, healthier and smaller. My personality is already "fresh to death" and getting better lol.  But mentally I block myself.

I'm scared people will "like" me more, not because of the authenticity of who I am, but because my weight has changed. I'm scared people will "think" I'm cuter/prettier, not because my inner light is beaming, but because my weight has changed. I'm scared people will "assume" I'm someone they want to get to know, not because my personality is already contagious lol, but because my weight has changed.

And that makes me afraid, but not afraid enough to not do what I'm trying to do.  So, after my aha moment of "what are you doing to yourself" happened, I've decided to just put on the big girl panties (not literally) and make the changes I need to, to get where I'm trying to go.  I'll be back to meal planning this week and experimenting with cooking once again... lol. Haven't decided if I want to catalog my food via photos or paper just yet... but that [food] is my nemesis... but I got this! I'm in it to win it!

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