Thursday, December 22, 2011

Today...

Today has been easy flowing like yesterday.  Two a day work outs. I'll be out looking for a planner again in about 20 minutes.  But nothing pressing about the day. And I'm grateful for this kind of flow.  Having things I could do, but not feeling pressured at all to do them.  I'll be back to work in January, back in school in January, but I'm living now in this moment. Smiling on the inside even as I type this post.  The day has just been good.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Probably Better...

Often enough I have post ideas, but I wonder how much of me should I expose here in my virtual space. Some days I don't care, just want to present my authentic self. 

Lately, I'm spinning my wheels with several different blog topics.  One being how I'm wearing my hair for the winter.  How it's different for me.  How antsy I've been and how comfortable it is now. I'm wearing kinky twists and I like them more than I thought I might.  I want to hit some financial stuff as well as touch on my journey to fit me :) and how the thought process changes as I've been going along.  Funny that as plump as I've always been, I've for the majority of my life have been just as outspoken.  So, I don't appreciate the assumption that being smaller will in someway make me better. To me anyone who comes to think differently, will do differently regardless of size.  As you grow some ways of doing things no longer work so it's good for me to leave them be. Same with people. Sometimes you have to separate yourself when you realize that where you're going, they are not.  Not that they are bad people, but you're different not in a good way.

Probably better that I got this out now in the moment...

Have a great day divas and gents!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Today I...

Today I woke up in a storm of emotions. Serious gray clouds swarming. I wanted to just lay in the bed for a little while and just look at the ceiling.  This holiday season has brought with it a bit of seasonal depression.  A bit of lonliness as well as just this need to clear the clutter in my life.  Much of that inner.  Just letting go of what I've began to perceive as correct or incorrect behavior for myself.
Yet, even as I wanted to lay in bed this morning, I couldn't.  Because I'm a teacher and there were small faces waiting to see me.  Even though part of my angst this morning was the fact that nothing has been working with getting them to talk during the right times and not all the time.  I admit I had to be that funky teacher today. But I needed it to be different.

I prayed this morning and then sought out my prayer circle/ my sister circle.  Didn't have one til this morning. I was definitely in the throws of a complete and utter funk meltdown. I didn't like that by any means.  But the love that God allowed to flow back to me this morning was amazing. And I've just been thanking him since then. Even one of my coworkers did whole group with my kids this morning.  (I'm getting misty-eyed again).  But whew I needed the prayers, I needed the tears, I needed someone to understand this morning, I needed someone to let me vent, and I was granted all of that. 
I'm grateful
and blessed beyond measure.