Weekly Photo Challenge:Red

What's in a name?

Crystal....


Topic #119:

What is the story behind your given name?
My mom liked it.

Lol. I thought there was more to it but that was it.

Accept it

Where do you find acceptance?
For your ideas? For the secret notions you have for who you really want to be? Or think you are? Who are the friends, family or co-workers who are most accepting of your true self? And how do they demonstrate their acceptance? What is different about how they treat you than other people?

I have a small circle of friends that I go to to bounce my ideas off of. As well as a select few of my family members. They show their acceptance by adding their input and talking me through whatever I mention to them.They are realistic with me. If I come to them with something that I haven't thought through they let me know and if it's something good, they push me.

PostAWeek2011: Topic #75

What’s the biggest lesson you learned so far this year?

I've really learned this year that just because you're trying to grow, doesn't mean that others in your circle are. That's okay too, but you have to individually decide to press on and move forward on your path.  So, if it means letting emotions go, feelings, etc. Anything at all. Then you must.  If that means letting people go.  Then you must.  If it means letting yourself go insane for a little while so you can get it together. Then you must.

Time change... missed post a week 2011... ummm... that's it.

So, I'm still adjusting to the time change. I've been tired since Monday of last week.  Normally, I adjust better than this. But this time it's been kicking my tail.  Aiming for a 10:00 bed time in hopes that that might help.

I didn't post anything at all last week.  I hadn't even been enthused enough to keep up with blogs that I'm subscribed to.  Just been tired. So, well, I've been sleeping lol.  A JumpRope memoirs post coming soon.

Post A Week 2011: Topic #68

Name a book that changed your life. What influence did it have on your thoughts, attitudes, and actions?

I read often. I read for the appeal of the story.  Hmm, did this change my life?... I would say so based on the fact that I've returned to read it several times just to remind myself to keep going and to get the free flowing feeling. This is a book I like to read when I'm in a transition period; changing from one thing to something new or just feeling new, trying to establish new habits, routines or goals.  This book inspires me to dream bigger for myself, to not settle in any aspect of my life and try new things.  I usually go into an all out home cleansing phase when I read this book too.  Aside from the evolving love story, it hits on growth, stepping out on faith, being afraid, roadblocks we encounter when trying to better ourselves, the excitement of new relationships and the problems that come with it too. And I love it for that.

Post a Week: Start Over

Start Over

Source

The post topics for this week are not my faves. So, I'm going to use the topic from Here.  The seduction of starting over hits me ever so often.  I begin to feel stuck and trapped by monotony.  Last summer while out on break, I was contemplating moving to a new city. Not that I was ready to move, but the idea of starting over and meeting new people, experiencing new places and things was exciting.

The question:Is it time for you to start over in some way? If so, what’s the first step you can take today? And I think it is time for me to start over in some way, I just haven't figured out exactly what that thing is just yet. So, maybe that could be it lol, being more self aware. I have several areas of my life I could use an overhaul or jump start on. So, my first step to take tonight will be to make a sticky note lol, so I can make a list of those things tomorrow.

Post A Week 2011: Topic #56

What keeps you up at night?

A plethora of things can keep me up:  reading a good book, stress about stress, restlessness over decisions, crazy productivity due to energy or determination to get something done, bouts of insomnia which can come about because of all the other reasons I mentioned.  When I was in college, I'd be up due to studying, or weird sleep patterns. But thankfully these kinds of nights are beginning to be few.

Post a week 2011: share one thing that you learned recently

I learned that sometimes its okay to do nothing especially when you're trying to do too much. It's like having so much on your plate that you don't know where to dig in first.

PostAWeek2011: Topic: Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else?

I'm a mixture of both on any given day.  I can "what if" something to death.  Or think something to complete woe-is-me-dome lol.  Yet as of late I've tried to take on the more optimistic view-point in situations I encounter.  Why? It makes me feel better. My ways of thinking about things, how I perceive them is starting to change.  So, if it's something that's going to lead me to not being able to see anything positive about it, except getting myself out of it, then I go with that or I do what I can to change it.

What About Your Friends?

How do you define the word friend? A friend is a person who knows me. I mean really knows me but still loves me. Or vice versa a person who lets me "see" them and "allows" me to love them anyway.

What are three things you can do to be a better friend to the people in your life?

1. Be available emotionally


2. Give my time physically, mentally


3. Give my love spiritually

It's funny that this happened to be the topic of the day for the Post A Day 2011; Post a Week 2011 challenge.  Because Thursday morning I woke in a funk. I mean straight crappy thinking about not having friends of substance. No limbs to step out on that wouldn't break.  No one to call if there were an emergency and my parents were on the way but not right here and I was quiet the majority of the day. I only talked to 18 - 5 and 6 year olds. I was quiet at the gym. I prayed about whether I needed to be silent and therefore I was.  Because I was hurt. I felt used.  And I don't like to feel used by people. I try to avoid situations where it seems I might end up using someone and I don't like to see others used.  I cried about this.  Because I felt that I wasn't as important to my friends as I make them to be to me.

All this because a friend didn't text me back or call me back.  For like the umpteenth time.  But I processed it, I let it be what it was and I was good on Friday.  Because the reality is everyone does their thing. Even me.  I can only control me. I'm not doormat material, so I'll be good to my people and when it's not reciprocated, I'll give them their time to do what it is they do and I'll go on and do me.

Describe a recent Aha! moment. What sparked it?

My recent aha moment happened yesterday.  At 6:30 something... I've been working out for a year and some months at this point.  This can be daunting based on the fact that I haven't lost much weight at all.  I go to a boxing gym Mon-Thursday for roughly 40 minutes or more.  While others lose, i seem to stay the same. Sometimes I don't want to tell people I go to the gym, cause they give me the side eye. But I do go and I love it!   My aha moment was in the mental imagery i have of myself. When I think of myself smaller I realized I don't actually envision  myself smaller. Mentally I limit the change that can take place because i'm afraid.

Afraid of the unknown possibilities of being smaller, healthier and smaller. My personality is already "fresh to death" and getting better lol.  But mentally I block myself.

I'm scared people will "like" me more, not because of the authenticity of who I am, but because my weight has changed. I'm scared people will "think" I'm cuter/prettier, not because my inner light is beaming, but because my weight has changed. I'm scared people will "assume" I'm someone they want to get to know, not because my personality is already contagious lol, but because my weight has changed.

And that makes me afraid, but not afraid enough to not do what I'm trying to do.  So, after my aha moment of "what are you doing to yourself" happened, I've decided to just put on the big girl panties (not literally) and make the changes I need to, to get where I'm trying to go.  I'll be back to meal planning this week and experimenting with cooking once again... lol. Haven't decided if I want to catalog my food via photos or paper just yet... but that [food] is my nemesis... but I got this! I'm in it to win it!

Random #6: Endings, Beginnings

So, this is that end of the year wrap up post.

I'm still wondering how I will bring in the new year.  I'd said meditating and thanking God.  So, we will see how it all turns out. I feel good today, just as I did yesterday.

Thinking about this year and all the ups, downs, accomplishments, failures even, I'm grateful. I lost my great gran this year but I'm blessed in that I knew her. That I was able to share love with her. I lost a few church family members as well and it's always hard for me. Losing loves. 

I've been reading other blog entries tonight getting enthused, just taking in everyone's journey. I'm even surprised at myself for blogging. I normally stray from it. But it's relaxing and it makes me think and gather my thoughts more.

I am already doing things now that I plan to take into 2011 like working out, loving my chosen career, laughing more, smiling more, just enjoying more but I can always use more self work.  I made goals in September actually that I am to complete by September of next year... it's a slow process but it's going.  I've decided however that I want to venture into the pesce- pollotarian world of eating. I'm still researching it, still deciding. Not in a rush. I have some new challenges however that I will be undertaking however for either a month, two, six or the whole year.  All of which begin January 1 or at some point in January.

You can check them out too:

Healthy Hair in 2011 Challenge:http://moptopmaven.blogspot.com/2010/12/healthy-hair-in-2011-challenege-session.html  It's actually a six month challenge. Well the first session. I needed this simply to baby my tresses. I'm a natural hair rocking sistah lol whose all for healthy hair whether its natural, relaxed or in between. I'll do an update with pics about this real soon.  This starts Jan1

Post a Week:  http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/challenge-for-2011-want-to-blog-more-often/ A challenge via Word Press.  It would be ambitious of me to do the Post a Day but it would also be a complete setup to fail because I know what I do.  This is for all of 2011

Reset Your Life 2011: http://happyblackwoman.com/ Undertaking this with the intent to open doors within myself.  Month of January.

Beginner Yoga: http://21daychallenge.yogajournal.com/ I've been fascinated with yoga for a while but haven't ever done anything but think about it and fantasize about it.  I believe it's because of what I thought it represented. But you make yoga your own. I want to practice it for the centering benefits.  For me time to meditate and talk to God while strengthening my temple.  Starts January 10th.

Writing Project: Some time ago, like 2007 a friend of mine came to me with an idea about writing some poetry for stories she wrote and I haven't finished yet. Life intervenes. But, I'm taking January and February to get this done. I already have all the stories downloaded to my Ipad for my own personal convenience so I can get it done. I need definite deadlines with some things because in all honesty of self knowledge, I'm a procrastinator. Regardless of how much I work on it, I postpone the working on not procrastination with other things as well. 

I'd been trying to think of a theme for 2011 and I finally have it. My Theme Song for 2011 is Beautiful Day by India Arie. Which its my song right now but it reminds me to just be in the moment. Stop regretting choices I've made and count that stuff joy. lol. My theme phrase/word: Dynamic.  All that I do I want it to be dynamic. How I love, how I live, how I do, how I "be".

So, as it is my 2 week Christmas Break will be coming to an end on January 3rd but I must say it has been all that I intended it to be. I love that, I'm grateful for that and I'm thankful that I put the time to good use. My sanctuary got a complete, I'll say, overhaul with the declutter project but also me moving furniture around to change the energy of my place. It worked wonders. It's welcoming now to me and whoever else enters. And it feels like home.

I'll end with this. 2010 is ending, but that feeling that you have of freedom to accomplish all the dreams your stating for yourself next year shows that it's only the beginning.

Live. Love. Laugh.

I will post once a week in 2011!

I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog once a day / once a week for all of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.

Signed,

B flyy :-)