Movement: A Necessity

Background: Eric Benet: Lost in Time/ Track: Something's Wrong

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Newness: So, I've been disconnected for a while.  Felt good. Felt needed. But now I'm back and I'm ready. Lol.

So much spinning around in my mind. I've been inspired by this post : Gone Manifesting by Kim Jackson  I have several things I want to manifest. But I want to focus on one thing at a time.. or something like that lol. I know me. Sometimes I do the most.

Teaching: Summer is almost over for me as a teacher. That in itself brings excitement and a small ounce of trepidation.  It's always a learning experience working with children. But I'm excited about the growth that I know is going to take place. I know there will be some stress too. I'm not even going to psyche myself up like it isn't.  My goal is to have my classroom ready by next Tuesday. I'll even post pictures.  And being back amongst my coworkers isn't how I had initially fretted

it might be in my head. It's a mixture of watchfulness, excitement and ok keep it moving on my part. So, I'm good.

Dating:..errr lol

Healthiness: Still going strong at the gym! Food however has been a struggle. But I'm mindful of this. I do so much better when I prepare my food at home.  I have a blender I have yet to use. But I so want to get some  recipes and get that sucker going.  I'm intrigued by the Pescetarian lifestyle.  And plan on taking a gander at this real soon. When I do, I'll be sure to report any differences/benefits. My weight-the number has been fluctuating but mostly staying the same.  So, yeah I need to shake that up.  I've shifted to losing and toning.  Because I want to lose but I don't want to be all sagging flesh as I'm losing. Umm no, that would be a negative.

Travel: I've been on the move... and I love it! Georgia and Texas... and soon Texas again have been my spots for July.  Which amazingly I wrote in January on 31 Day Reset that that was a goal of mine. To get out and go and I'm trying to get my finances in order so I can do more of that.

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Hair: I've added Design Essentials into my hair product miniature arsenal. I've been twisting with SheaMoisture deep treatment masque.  Tried it with TCB setting lotion and then the DE oil... love  the results. Moisturized, shiny, touchable, moving hair. What I've noticed: As my hair gets longer, I get my shrinkage after a wash and my smaller twists are starting to leaving me little knots. I'm not feeling that latter part at all.  But I'll figure it out.

Mindfulness: I realized this week I was losing some of my go juice lol. But today I think I tapped into it and I'm glad I did. I sometimes loathe being stuck in a rut, but I've learned that I have to be still and just figure out how I got there, why I'm there and what it's going to take to get from there.  Growth is Beautiful.

That girl likes to plateau...

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I feel like him today. This whole week, the past two weeks even. I've been kinda floating. I'm all the way live until about 6 p.m. and then I want my bed. My training, my eating, my hobbies, my sorority life, er-thang seems to be taking a backseat to one thing, one daunting reality: I'm tired lol.

Updates:

Writing: I did actually finish my poetry for the collaboration with my friend in February by the set deadline. I just didn't update here.

Yoga: More misses than hits lately. I haven't made it a habit. I've been getting up late every morning and just aimlessly soaking in the morning before I rush around for no other reason than to do so.

Meditation: I'm lazy but definitely needing to practice holding my thoughts under my captivity

Workouts: I'm getting in 5, 6 at the most now-a-days. Down 14 lbs. No meal planning has been in effect and I know that isn't going to last.

Financials: I'm still learning.

Post A Week 2011: I've missed two weeks. With no other reason than being preoccupied with something else.

Hair: I've started using KeraCare Naturals line and I like it. I still have my SheaMoisture products on the ready. lol And today is definitely feeling like a hair day.

JumpRope Memoirs: Self- Esteem Dream

Source

So... my thoughts have been inundated with self-appreciation at all levels.  The concept that regardless of size I have to make the best effort to treat myself well. The Evolution of Me project that I'm allowing to totally transform my life now is out of love for myself.  It's hard.  I won't even lie about that.  It's hard knowing that I'm going to fail often before I succeed. It's hard knowing that some people expect me to have a low view of myself because of weight. But I don't. A low self-esteem even. But I don't.  I don't however like when other people try to make me feel bad about it though. That's annoying. Some even assume I'm not taking care of myself because I'm fresh to death on that "heavy status".  Insert eye roll here. I work out hard, heavy, and intensely when I do. Because I want it to count. I've even *crossing my fingers* got a handle on mindless munching.  It's beyond irritating when some men think I should be glad that they are paying me attention.  Heck, he should be glad I was actually present in the moment, to notice he was paying me attention. But that could be a rant for another day and time.

Funny thing today I feel like I could be a writer. I'm not though. Just like I can sing, but I'm not a performer. I love to play with words, to put them together and make a coherent written thought. Even if it's vague.

For this week, for yoga I've just been practicing breathing.  Being conscious of the breath.  Meditating for a few moments in the morning.

Workouts: I almost didn't work out yesterday. Not because I was tired. Not because I was sore. My workout partner didn't want to.  But I did workout. I worked out because a friend from the summer morning crew was there to put me on blast. It just reminded me that I do it for me. If I had missed, I'd feel bad today knowing that school is dismissing early for a snow day and I may not get a chance to go to the gym.  I even want to go today because we're doing punches lol. My lesson in that: I can only expect me to go and work. Because my partner may decide she doesn't want to at all. I can't use that as an excuse to derail myself.

JumpRope Memoirs #1: Quitting lol

Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 5 pm ish, I seriously wanted to quit the gym.  I felt fat. lol. and just mad that my workout was beating the crap out of me.  It was something wild and crazy that my trainer decided to do because he felt like the women were not working as hard as we should be.  It was an ab workout. I don't have abs! Which is what I say whenever we have "ab" work.  It didn't work.  Worse part I didn't eat enough that day for what we were doing. Knew it the minute I started lifting that 10 lb bench weight up to shoulder length.  Needless to say when I started doing my jump squats the last exercise with the watchful eye of the trainer, one of the guys who talks much noise to me came over to me. PAUSE! When I'm getting funky, sweaty and grinding in the gym don't flirt with me if you're a) married or b) not attractive to me. Cause I'll play you to the left if I don't feel like entertaining you.  And if you loud and do it in front of other people I am not liable for the sarcasm or crass language that ensues. Nor do I find that attractive. PLAY! He was trying to be encouraging but I was watching him watch me and my trainer watch us.  I'll skip the part right here... lol

After all the ab work 50 minutes worth we had to do 400 Rope jumps-jump ropes however you picture it.  I was exhausted like I hadn't been in weeks.  I was mad that it was taking me so long, mad that I was out of shape. (In better shape than I was though) And I really went through some body image mental wars trying to get those 400 jumps. At 150 my breath was short. I felt flabby and imagined that other people thought I was flabby.( not the case, others think I'm a hottie lol) But at 200 I wanted to quit. I wanted to put down the rope and just not come back to the gym. Irrational I know.  But I was tired. Tired of seemingly being slower when I should be faster. Tired of trying to get it done when its clearly doing me in.  But I went back the next day.

It's Saturday and my torso is still achy.  I'm having to keep a bra on all day (t m i) because that muscle back there behind that breast tissue that I didn't know existed aches without that support.  But my torso feels tight and I'm still in it to win it. I'm down 18 lbs.

Guilty as Charged

My crime: mindless munching, binging on sweets

I caught myself today. Became completely aware of my own antics. My own self-sabotaging ways. I was walking around my class during a transition period and I grabbed 3 of these cookies to the left... when something told me to check the calories... 2 cookies are 160 calories!!!!! WHAT!!! So, yes I immediately put 2 of the 3 back. I'd already bit into one. Which it's crazy because i brought a snack to work for this very reason.  For this very thing, I had cheerios in a small glass container that's small enough to fit in my purse.  So, yes I have to be very aware of what I'm eating during the day when I'm at work, especially when i find my jaws moving and I'm not even hungry.

Oddly enough I was doing okay during the day yesterday, cooking meals of substance, no mindless snacking, no wasted calories- that's my phrase for candy, sweets, etc.  When I made a trip to walmart I picked up not one but two 8 count fun size packs of snickers... and I ate them... all... yesterday... when I shouldn't have wasted 2 dollars on them in the first place. But I did. So, I'm feeling it today.  I felt them this morning when i began my 21 day yoga challenge. The challenge I was supposed to start yesterday but was exhausted from resting all day. Go figure. And a post is coming about that shortly.  I think I'll do a weekly post about the 3 week challenge.

Anyway, I read something yesterday that caught my attention a guy on a blog somewhere in cyberspace referred to himself as a selectarian... saying he's selective about what he puts in his mouth, his body.  And I like that, so much more than saying I'm a clean eater, or pollotarian, or pescetarian.   It's a mind game I know lol, but if that keeps my engine going, I'll take it.

So, I can't change what I've eaten already, but I'm aiming to stick to my planned snacks and meals for the rest of the day.