The Power of Procrastination

Source

 

Oh, I had it all planned out yesterday. I was going to celebrate my singledom, by going out with one of my girlfriends. I was going to do several posts that I'd been intending to do for about a week now. And what did I do?  None of that. lol. I was sleep before 10 p.m. I put in an order for a new laptop, that I'm going to call Sassy, watched a show via netflix called Drop Dead Diva... the second episode was getting on my nerves at jump, so I got my laptop, got in the bed and started to read. And fell asleep. I woke up at 1 a.m. But today, I said it was as it needed to be.  I'm a procrastinator in the sense that often I need some type of motivation to do small things.  Because I will put it off until it can't be put off any longer.  Like sit for 30 minutes and make a post, or even to toss out some papers that I should have gotten rid of a month or so ago.  Sometimes I'm lazy and I know it, just haven't changed it.  And that's all I'm going to say about that. I could lie and say I'm going to change it, but well, I'll put that off too.

JumpRope Memoirs: Self- Esteem Dream

Source

So... my thoughts have been inundated with self-appreciation at all levels.  The concept that regardless of size I have to make the best effort to treat myself well. The Evolution of Me project that I'm allowing to totally transform my life now is out of love for myself.  It's hard.  I won't even lie about that.  It's hard knowing that I'm going to fail often before I succeed. It's hard knowing that some people expect me to have a low view of myself because of weight. But I don't. A low self-esteem even. But I don't.  I don't however like when other people try to make me feel bad about it though. That's annoying. Some even assume I'm not taking care of myself because I'm fresh to death on that "heavy status".  Insert eye roll here. I work out hard, heavy, and intensely when I do. Because I want it to count. I've even *crossing my fingers* got a handle on mindless munching.  It's beyond irritating when some men think I should be glad that they are paying me attention.  Heck, he should be glad I was actually present in the moment, to notice he was paying me attention. But that could be a rant for another day and time.

Funny thing today I feel like I could be a writer. I'm not though. Just like I can sing, but I'm not a performer. I love to play with words, to put them together and make a coherent written thought. Even if it's vague.

For this week, for yoga I've just been practicing breathing.  Being conscious of the breath.  Meditating for a few moments in the morning.

Workouts: I almost didn't work out yesterday. Not because I was tired. Not because I was sore. My workout partner didn't want to.  But I did workout. I worked out because a friend from the summer morning crew was there to put me on blast. It just reminded me that I do it for me. If I had missed, I'd feel bad today knowing that school is dismissing early for a snow day and I may not get a chance to go to the gym.  I even want to go today because we're doing punches lol. My lesson in that: I can only expect me to go and work. Because my partner may decide she doesn't want to at all. I can't use that as an excuse to derail myself.

Random #5: declutter still in action

Update:

I had that serious dejunking last week.  But where were the things I'd boxed and bagged up to leave my sanctuary? Still here.  Well, they were until about 5:30 today.  I donated them to Goodwill. I felt so good getting them out of the house. Felt good really freeing myself from those items.  The paper portion however is still here waiting on me to make it all the way through. lol. I am half way through and in some instances ready to just trash things without looking through them. I don't know what's there.  But I won't rush it. I'm experiencing the process to the fullest capacity. Knowing that when I'm done, it's going to feel wonderful.

The books are still in a bin in the closet because I haven't decided if I'm going to sell those or just give them away....

We will see.

Random #1 motivation

Today I need motivation. External inspiration to keep trekking this weightless journey, this hair health journey... Just the all over journey. So, what did I do? I began to read blogs... And it got me to thinking about mine. That's still in the beginning stages of being something other than wasted Internet space. Trying to narrow it down to something specific. That got me excited about doing something other than moping around today in boredom. So, I'm still processing that... Still dreaming of what this shall become.