Concentration

What I have found even more truthful about myself is that sometimes I procrastinate on procrastinating. Lol.  Even more I do not like writing papers.  While I am in pursuit of this higher degree, my love for writing in the scholarly sense is not growing but leaving me exhausted. I should have perhaps taken the summer off, but since I did not, I must find it within myself to crank out this paper tonight.  It is a must.

Evolution of Self #1

A character flaw I possess: Being inconsistent.

For the love of me...

I've been feeling some type of way about me and all my curviness lately.  Appreciative of my frame.  As much of there is of me, I enjoy it.  I get called fat, plump, fluffy, but's okay.  They are words. Only having as much power as I give them.

This post is more about this site Curvaceous Nation   I love it!  I love the self love the ladies have for themselves on there.  It's helped me to look more closely at myself and other plus size lovelies and just see the beauty that's there to see.

B Flyy.

The more I do...

The more I do,
the better I feel.


I at least think it's supposed to go that way. But as of late, I'm been kinda tired. Lol. Between work, the gym, classes and trying to keep up relationships internal, external and spiritual I'm feeling busted.  We have so much changing in the school systems right now that has me a little on edge, but what will be will be.

Yesterday, I had a small reminder to keep writing in my gratitude journal.  It is so easy to forget all the blessings, the beautitudes that take place around us everyday. And I want to show my appreciation for God's grace, for the goodness of people, for my own mess-ups, the things that make me smile. So, that I can in turn smile more.

12 in 2012 goal update:
I opened an account with the credit union, i bought a new mattress, I've saved some money, I'm current on all bills, I designed a t-shirt for fun, made a pound cake from scratch, paid off a loan, joined Anytime Fitness, bought food to actually cook at home so I can curb eating out and eating in the school cafeteria. I'm starting to blog more and comment more on others blogs.

SOCSunday:Relax, Relate, Release

How do I relax? What's my best way? 

Depends. For the past three 3 hrs I've been relaxing. From the lazy, unhurried way I tried on clothes, to sitting in a chair quietly talking on the phone listening to the same song on repeat for the past 3 hrs: Jessica Reedy "Blue God". Moving quietly through 3 yoga poses. Now in the bed, getting ready to read on my Kindle.  I used to read most nights before I went to bed.  I let too much intervene and it waned until it was no more. Bringing it back. 

If I'm at my parents, I relax in the bathroom.  There's just something so peaceful about it. 

Quick dump for a change... 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.

Making it all fit..

What's going on with me lately?

I'm back in school. Working on a doctorate. My mind just seriously wrapped around the extent of what I'm pursuing over this past weekend.

I'm actively working towards my list of 12 goals and trying to stay sane in the meantime.  One of my goals is to be an active blogger this year.  Meaning I need to post more and comment more to other bloggers. I read many blogs and most times I don't leave feedback.  I'm going to fix that though.

Me, who doesn't ever date, may be entering into that realm real soon. It's scary, so I hope it's worth the dive. I have two gym memberships now.  I joined Anytime fitness over the weekend as well.  To go with my best friend as we pursue healthier living.  The gym I attend now, I'm still there because I enjoy the circuit workouts but I needed more options.

I'm a teacher by day, a student by night and an artist and creativist lol in between time these days. So, I'm just trying to make it all fit.

Go- Gettin', Goal Setting Sister

Source

 

 

12 in 2012

Utilize my resources to improve my overall health.
Complete a 5K run.
Invest more of me in my teaching.
Purchase a new bed and new mattresses.
Open an account at centric credit union.
update my vision board to focus on my 12 goals
Design my own T-shirt just for fun.
Pay off a loan and two cc's.
Be intentional with my finances(live within my means)
Be an active blogger.
Pray without ceasing(live with the intent to do good)
Read for understanding - the new testament (part or all. I know I can get lax) 

 

This is my list of goals that I'm pursuing this year to be better.  I've grouped up my sister circle as well to get their own.  This is more so to encourage and uplift one another as we do things that get us closer to the lives we envision.  When I made my list I also made plans for each goal so that each had a purpose and was tied to something. Looking at my list again however I feel as though I should go and be more specific in my planning for at least two of them and more definite in the passion and purpose for each of them. 

What are you working on this year? 

Next step( goal 1) : I'm doing the 21 day Yoga Journal challenge for beginners. I'm on day 2.

Sometimes...

Sometimes when I get in my own head, like really get lost in the downside,

I hate being afraid.
I hate that being afraid causes me too worry so much.
I hate that because I worry so much, I've developed anxiety over things I can't control...

Sigh... working through it...

S O C Sunday: Believing in your own greatness

www.allthingsfadra.com

My mind has been "distracted" with the ways of how I hinder my own "greatness".  How I sabotage my own weight loss efforts when I become afraid of the what ifs, the how will I be perceived and such. How I'm inconsistent with my bible reading. How I don't always share great ideas with my coworkers because I don't want the side-eye from other teachers because I'll give the eye back lol.  How I doubt my own ability to be smart enough to be in a doctoral program, yet I am. And it comes down to the fear of being better than the me I am now, when truly I know I could use some work.

So, the aha I had this morning was this:  The desire to achieve greatness has to outweigh the fear of the unknown.

Because I workout for me, I don't workout for others.  I can't change one thought that anyway else has about me anyway. It's their choice. I've started a daily reading plan to help with the bible reading. I find great ideas that need to be shared and I've decided to share them with teachers that want them and look over the rest.  When I hold back I accept being mediocre in my profession.  And to that last part, I'm in the doc program, so I have what it takes, and that's all that matters.

that's my dump...

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

The pleasure of newness...

Partly why I'm posting is because, well I'm still up :) But I will be going to bed here shortly. Something new: brought the new year in in prayer with my family holding hands and it was beautiful. The best thing I could have done.  I also finished writing out my goals and my plans to achieve those goals which I will share later today as I have another post with www.allthingsfadra.com that I'm going to have to shoot out :) 

But to each of you who visit Happy New Year!

Today...

Today has been easy flowing like yesterday.  Two a day work outs. I'll be out looking for a planner again in about 20 minutes.  But nothing pressing about the day. And I'm grateful for this kind of flow.  Having things I could do, but not feeling pressured at all to do them.  I'll be back to work in January, back in school in January, but I'm living now in this moment. Smiling on the inside even as I type this post.  The day has just been good.

Probably Better...

Often enough I have post ideas, but I wonder how much of me should I expose here in my virtual space. Some days I don't care, just want to present my authentic self. 

Lately, I'm spinning my wheels with several different blog topics.  One being how I'm wearing my hair for the winter.  How it's different for me.  How antsy I've been and how comfortable it is now. I'm wearing kinky twists and I like them more than I thought I might.  I want to hit some financial stuff as well as touch on my journey to fit me :) and how the thought process changes as I've been going along.  Funny that as plump as I've always been, I've for the majority of my life have been just as outspoken.  So, I don't appreciate the assumption that being smaller will in someway make me better. To me anyone who comes to think differently, will do differently regardless of size.  As you grow some ways of doing things no longer work so it's good for me to leave them be. Same with people. Sometimes you have to separate yourself when you realize that where you're going, they are not.  Not that they are bad people, but you're different not in a good way.

Probably better that I got this out now in the moment...

Have a great day divas and gents!

Today I...

Today I woke up in a storm of emotions. Serious gray clouds swarming. I wanted to just lay in the bed for a little while and just look at the ceiling.  This holiday season has brought with it a bit of seasonal depression.  A bit of lonliness as well as just this need to clear the clutter in my life.  Much of that inner.  Just letting go of what I've began to perceive as correct or incorrect behavior for myself.
Yet, even as I wanted to lay in bed this morning, I couldn't.  Because I'm a teacher and there were small faces waiting to see me.  Even though part of my angst this morning was the fact that nothing has been working with getting them to talk during the right times and not all the time.  I admit I had to be that funky teacher today. But I needed it to be different.

I prayed this morning and then sought out my prayer circle/ my sister circle.  Didn't have one til this morning. I was definitely in the throws of a complete and utter funk meltdown. I didn't like that by any means.  But the love that God allowed to flow back to me this morning was amazing. And I've just been thanking him since then. Even one of my coworkers did whole group with my kids this morning.  (I'm getting misty-eyed again).  But whew I needed the prayers, I needed the tears, I needed someone to understand this morning, I needed someone to let me vent, and I was granted all of that. 
I'm grateful
and blessed beyond measure.

The Break... Tha Joy of Giving Thanks... Next Steps

So, last week I was off for the week from teaching. I love paid vacation included time :) However I spent the whole week with my family either in Louisiana or Georgia and it was great. But I had a cooking experience that was fun for me. I made stuffed bell peppers for the first time.
Voila!

Made six in all.  Actually turned out great for a first time!
That was part of my pre- thanksgiving contribution to the family.

Now in the art of giving thanks, I've been feeling lately like my relationship with God could be so much better than it is.  That I could go the extra mile and just give my all. It'll be a struggle I'm sure. As, self- reflection and meditation always brings change when you have to get that clear look into your own actions and address them.  So, since I get up early aside from walking in the mornings with my walking buddy, I'm in the process of getting my mind ready for morning prayer time.

Also, over the break I did get some Christmas shopping done and a little self shopping as well.  I made a splurge purchase for these babies:

My Vibram Five Fingers- Bikila style

The first day was weird being connected to the ground in such a way.  The second day I was in love a little :). Going to try them out for an evening or morning walk and report back. As I am getting more into my own fitness I'm starting to play around with the idea of doing my first 5K race.  So, Next Steps with that has me researching races to see how much time I would have to train to do it.  I'm excited about that.

Thanksgiving Week Wrap Up Word: Awesome.

SOCSunday: Financial Diva... Please

www.allthingsfadra.com

Interesting thing happened today when I was talking to my lovely cousin... I had an aha moment or a moment of clarity if you will.  Her statement : I can't wait for this year to end.  Now what about that would give me an aha was the fact that my mother said the same thing a few weeks ago.  it made me realize literally that it wasn't just me having a rough year.  I've had some great months mind you, but spiritually and financially I feel like I've been lacking and lagging all year.  It's like there is always something pressing or making me feel as though I'm not giving enough of me to the Lord and then financially one of my goals is to become financially savvy.  Trust me when I say I am nowhere near that. Not yet this year.  And I started thinking today about something I'd like to call Next Steps.  So, instead of thinking of the whole all at once, thinking in terms what I can do next.  Example: I set up a savings account with automatic drafts, what can I do next? ---- I get up early in the morning( initially to meditate: fell off), what can I do next?  This was longer than five minutes by a few seconds... but hey...

***

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post at Allthingsfadra.com
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

SOCSunday: Procrastination

www.allthingsfadra.com

Undoubtedly I should be asleep right now.  It's 2:49 a.m. But I'm not alas and I'm excited to actually be posting. Right now I'm in the stages of deciding whether to completely move to blogger or stay with wordpress.com.  I'm unsure as of yet.  (Post can be found at both places: fluffyflyydiva.wordpress.com and fluffyflyydiva.blogspot.com - what do you think?)

Anyway, I'm bad about self-sabotage.  My nemesis is procrastination. I will wait to there is almost no last minute.  Whether it's planning meals, or waiting until after it's time to close my mailbox to forward incoming mail, or still not having written the first line on my doctorate school application.  I have a getting started defect apparently.  I have students test in my bag that I need to grade.  I've been meaning to do my "weekly" mask now for two weeks. Good thing, I have it on right now.  Has to stay on five minutes. Lucky.

So, today, I've decided to grade the papers, and start the application. I'm sure the advisor is wondering what my issue is... Well, he can join the club, I wonder too sometimes.

***

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post at http://allthingsfadra.com/ .
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Inevitable

Recently I've been having a battle of the minds type ordeal. Balancing the negative with the positive. Balancing others opinions and just taking steps to make the right choices.  It's hard and I know somewhat unrealistic to expect people to be in the same place in their lives as I am, when they are not.  Yet, i'm seeking that now. I don't want negative vibes, hidden agendas stopping my flow. Things that lead to second guessing, self imposed regression to not being the woman I want to be.

Hard choices have to be made, people have to be let go. Things have to be let go. Not because they are bad people, not even because they've done me wrong.  Our energy just doesn't match.  I'm a realist and a dreamer. Yeah... how does that work. lol. I like seeing potential. I like seeing people chase and conquer their dreams, but I also pay attention to the things that happen that counteract those and I don't try to act like I don't.  How else can we deal with ourselves if we deny truth.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm posting something. I have several random posts running in my head.  However none of them seem to be making it to my blog.  In due time.

Thinking I might

Thinking I might switch from wordpress back to blogger

Thinking I might

Thinking I might switch from wordpress back to blogger

SOCSunday: Direction

Hello good people! Now aside from the fact that I'm already bad about updating due to the sometimes hectic-ness of life, I came on today not really sure what I wanted to blog about. Wanting to however talk about some of everything. That's how I am anyway, here there and everywhere with my excitement for stuff. So, I'm thinking about dabbling in the areas of nails, my hair, weight-loss, getting healthy, my growth as a person, teaching, good reads, good music, education. I love it. So, many different aspects of it. Even trying to further my own. But first I guess I have to show up and write. Right now however I'm not feeling the look of my blog, so I need to play around with that first. Then maybe I'll be excited about showing up. Nothing heavy, at least once a week.

***

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post at allthingsfadra.com
Visit fellow bloggers and show some love.